It's 2018! To say I can't wait for 2017 to end is an understatement; I cannot wait to get over this year. It's been a long, long arduous year for me. There were good things, of course, but the bad over-weighs it, I think? I think I definitely spend more than 2/3 times of the year in bad place, I just want to leave, occasionally looking back just to remind myself what not to do, and move on.
I started 2017 on good note, good footing. I was ball of positive ions, you might have remembered if you were there reading y blog post. I went to Korea, finally! What not to love about it, really?
But good thing doesn't last long, they said, which I hope goes the same for bad thing as well. Everything rolled downhill somewhere in March, and I was never the same anymore. I struggled just to fall, and struggled again to get back up. It's just struggle all year along, both mentally and physically. I always see myself as durable? person who doesn't get down easily, but this year has been a slap on the face, that, no, you're not that able.
I won't go into details but I'm stuck in a certain place that I'd die to get out but I can't. No choice. Nothing, but to shoulder and suck it up. I'm still there, trekking the path, and I sincerely wish 2018 will be a lot kinder to me in my way.
My blog, my photography, and my health had to suffer the consequences. I went into hiatus since March-April, my posts around then were all auto-scheduled since late February. I didn't touch my camera for so long, and the moment I picked it up again, although I marvel at the nostalgic weight on my palms, I'm just lost.
I didn't know what kind of photo I want to take. Why did I even take it in the first place? The same went for my blog as I've previously mentioned in my post last month. I just didn't have a freaking clue about what I wanna do. With my life. With this blog. With myself in general.
Later half is spent with me trying to rediscover myself. Cannot say I find it yet, but at least now back in my new home (my house went under renovation, and having to live temporarily somewhere else after living here for almost the entire 25 years of my life, it's incredibly stressful), I have retrieved even a little of what I've lost.
Right now, instead of thinking about what and why, I'd rather just do first. Think later. I realized my bad habit of overthinking is what led me to where I am, along with my selfishness and my ignorance. And my fear of being in public or any social event in general.
A true introvert who never try to deal and cope with it, I think I have fallen into this bad comfort-zone, and I need to break free from that. Little by little is fine. I always tell myself that everyone have their own pace and maybe, maybe mine is just incredibly long.
Of course not everything was bad. I gained many new friends, people I can open up to regarding myself. A new best friend who struggle along with me up and down. Meeting new people, and familiarize myself with socializing in general. I'm incredibly chatty online, but face to face, I'm quiet as a mouse!
Altho I, basically, ditched this blog, my other creative writing outlet flourished! I have always loved to write, anything, but I love to write story. Spin a tale. Describe emotions like painting with paint called words. I think I wrote more than 150.000 words this year alone, and I still have unfinished which had reached 25.000 words mark.
In 2018 I just want to get better in general; better person, better writer, better writer, better speaker. I'm not expecting a drastic change for myself knowing how I love to take everything easy. I just hope by the end of 2018, I'm a little bit proud of myself despite the bads that will surely follow me again next year. Still, everything happen for a reason, and bearing that in mind, I do wish my 2018 will be on better note.
Have a happy new year!
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